It all sparks with one idea- attraction. That special person catches your eye and you instantly go weak. Tunnel vision takes over and heat builds from places inside you probably forgot were there in the first place. Your body temperature rises and all you can think about is their touch, their smell and how your name sounds as it rolls off their tongue.
For some, these thoughts occur with many people, while others reserve for only one. There is no shame in either preference. It doesn't matter how many partners you have, or what sex those partners are, the emotions are real and intense.
Desire. It's a funny thing. I think it stems from the parts of ourselves that aren't fully evolved yet. It's our basic sense of wanting what we see. Desire isn't only sexual. You can desire a new care, house, pet, job, etc. But where desire transgresses what we've come to understand as acceptable, is in the bedroom. The truth here; feeding that desire only makes you hungrier.
Once you feel that hunger, it overwhelms you. Your body is on fire, your mind is fuzzy and you stay in a constant state of arousal. What does it all mean? It means we're sexual creatures and even when we attempt to deny ourselves that pleasure, it haunts us. You body wants what is wants and who are you to say no?
It is important to understand that passion and desire aren't the same thing. Desire is the spark inside of YOU, while passion is the sparks SHARED. True, unbridled passion is raw, almost as painful as it is pleasurable, which is what makes it so addicting. Passion is the lifeblood of amazing sex and a truly epic love.
What does this mean to writers? It means we had better understand these concepts before writing a realistic love story. Women are not simple creatures, as portrayed in many romance novels throughout time. We are complex, beautiful and even a little crazy and there's absolutely nothing wrong with it. To write a female character who is weak and codependent does little justice to our current positions in the world. Women are strong and sexual and very, very capable and shouldn't be seen as objects or playthings. Their partners should compliment strengths and weaknesses without compromising themselves and the characters deserve a chance to act this out as they would in the real world.
The point? The more realistic the characters, the easier it will be for readers to relate. They know when you're not into it, so don't try to write about these complex emotions without being prepared to tap into that very private part of yourself. It's raw, it's painful, but it's absolutely the most satisfying.
I'm a writer, a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. My journey as a published author is in full swing and I'm inviting all my friends along for the ride!