It's been about a year since I last posted a personal note and so much has happened, I'm not quite sure where to start. Sure, the pandemic has taken its toll, but even beyond those challenges, life has been interesting.
Near the end of 2020, I embarked on a mission of self-discovery and recovery. I have not been a truly happy person in quite some time, mostly due to past traumas I'd had a difficult time even thinking of as trauma in the first place. It's wild to see things for what they are after so long and it's honestly opened my eyes to many things about myself I'd previously thought were wrong, bad, or weird. Turns out, trauma changes you, even if you don't recognize it as such. That being said, I've grown.
It hasn't been easy. In fact much of it has been a brutal and scary process, but it has been necessary! I'm also nowhere close to being finished—is anyone ever really finishing growing? I have much work to do going into 2022, and even though it makes me nervous as hell, I can't wait to come into the new season of my life which will be filled with many amazing things so long as I continue to cultivate this path I'm on.
That being said, I'm inviting everyone along to see how things go in 2022. There are mere days left of this tumultuous year (which I'm SOOOO ready to see in my rear view) and I'm using this time to put energy and intentions into manifesting my goals. One of them will be getting this blog on my regular rotation because posting once a year is just silly!
From my fam to yours - have a safe a beautiful holiday season!! Catch you next week and don't forget to catch me on the 'gram for more updates!
This year has been one of reflection, whether we wanted it or not. Not only have we faced immeasurable sadness by losing loved ones, be it family or friends, but we've also been forced into isolation. Nothing is scarier than being alone with your thoughts during such times. For some, this can give way to destructive behaviors as they battle their demons. For others, it will be a time of reflection and growth. Both need support and love. Both need love. Both need hope.
As we go into a new year, that's what we must carry forward—hope. We must look to the year ahead and see if for all the possibilities as well as the hardships. We must take the hard lessons learned this year and do better. We must give ourselves room to fail as well as succeed. We must learn that our neighbors are not our enemies and lean on one another when times are hardest. We must do as the phoenix and rise from the ashes of the previous year.
As for me, I've been on a journey of introspection. I've learned quite a bit about myself this year and, in spite of all of the horrors of 2020, I've managed a better piece of mind as we close out these last few weeks. I won't miss it, I won't look back on it fondly, but I will recognized my personal lessons as necessary stepping stones for what's to come.
While there's no way to be certain of the coming events of 2021, I am sure there it will not be without its own struggles. I choose to focus on the things I can control, however. I won't go into 2021 repeating many of the same mistakes. A negative mindset brings negative energy which does nothing but breed negativity. It's never easy to fully let go of the worries, it is far more difficult to appreciate the positives if it's clouded. So I choose to cling to the positives of as much as I can and rise to the occasion.
What will you do in 2021? Will you start your own business? Will you create that masterpiece? Start a family? Finish that project you half-started this year? Raise that money? Buy that home? Embrace your talent? Beat your demons? Kick that addiction? Love yourself? Be happy? The possibilities are endless if you allow yourself the opportunity to see them. Let's go into 2021 with a renewed outlook on what we're capable of—what we can accomplish. Embrace the beauty of who you are and all that you can do. You are powerful. You are beautiful. You are the phoenix.
Stick around for some more words of wisdom and other stuff! You can also subscribe to my monthly newsletter if you want to stalk me some more. I'm totally okay with that.
Each of us has a spiritual journey that may or may not coincide with our life journey. Some choose no spiritualism or faith at all, some choose Christianity, some Buddhism, some Muslim, but what remains true is that those lessons and convictions usually resonate in other aspects of our lives. Most recently, I've decided to delve into spiritualism–otherwise known as witchcraft.
No, this doesn't mean I worship a god or goddess. No, this doesn't mean I sacrifice animals or people. No, this doesn't mean I think I can do literally magic as seen on TV and movies. Modern witchcraft and spiritualism focuses on empowerment, manifestation, inner peace, love, and the power of self. Basically, I'm trusting myself and my intuition to manifest my future and overcome .
I was raised with Christian beliefs and I still strongly feel as though most of those are valid, however I have always felt...other. There have always been things that haven't made sense to me and I was always afraid to question those things. I'm so glad that I no longer have that fear! Finally, after entering my thirties, I feel comfortable enough to walk in my own light and embrace those parts of me that dwell in darkness so as to understand myself and how I need to heal.
I'm excited to understand this part of myself. I won't be posting a lot about it on social media unless asked, mostly because it won't necessarily be centered around my career, however I will share occasionally. Of course, I'm open to any resources for those who may practice or follow this path for themselves. I'd love to hear your perspective!! Drop me a line and let me know the deets!!
Until next time!!
So one common thought or point made by nearly every author I've ever met is that one must read a lot to write a lot. I have to say that for the most part, this is true. Sometimes, ideas just come to you, whether you've been reading or not. Other times, you get stuck in a reading rut - much the same as with writer's block. How do you rectify this? For me, I go back to one of the novels that I read when I was at one of the lowest points of my life that helped me to cope. The story in and of itself did little to aid me, but rather the act of reading and finding an outlet so my mind didn't linger on all of the worst parts was what saved me.
That novel, was Twilight.
Now I know, you're thinking I'm crazy, but it's true. You see, back in 2007, my marriage had fallen apart, I was five months pregnant, and also had a two-year-old. I had just turned 20 years old. I was at a loss as to how to pull myself back together and I couldn't quite figure out how I had messed my life up so badly, which now would affect my children. I was in a pretty dark and scary place. At the time, I didn't recognize the years of emotional and mental abuse I'd endured because it was all too fresh and I even held out hope that we could work things out so my boys didn't grow up in a broken home, but as time went on, I realized that we were better off, for the most part.
So where does Twilight come in? Honestly, it wasn't until after the first movie came out that I decided to read the books, and I'm so glad I did. You see, the movies by comparison were total shit - apart from the very last Breaking Dawn (I don't care - you can fight me on this). Anyway, when I read the first book, I realized how much more substance there were to the characters than what was portrayed in the movie and I loved it! I ended up reading all of the books in about ten days. The hardest for me to read was New Moon, but only because it brought me face-to-face with my abandonment issues. I was trying to hard to ignore the deeper issues I harbored after my divorce, but it was after reading that book I realized just how much of a hollow shell I had become.
It wasn't that any part of the story really spoke to me, but rather the emotions (yes, Bella has emotions in the books) that were portrayed during that time. I had felt everything that Bella felt and then some. I knew what it was like to be numb. I knew what it was like to feel like the abyss was swallowing me a little more each day. It was Hell. It was my life. But I wasn't alone in my fight. I had two babies to care for who depended on me for everything. I had been lost in the magnitude of what that meant and I couldn't figure out what I needed to do or how I could push forward. I was lucky most days to get out of bed.
While it was true that I had met the man that is now my husband during that time, I still had a lot of healing to do and we both suffered for it. He was eager to step in and help me with my children, but I was apprehensive and frankly afraid of what would happen to my heart if I gave it license again to feel. It was one of the hardest decisions I'd ever made because I was terrified of what could happen. We've been together 11 years now, but the first few years were definitely rough, to say the least. But I digress.
After reading New Moon and dealing with those repressed feelings, I was able to really and truly feel deeply again. As I read through the other novels, I was laughing and smiling and crying right along with the characters and it felt good. For so long, I was locked in a sinking ship and I had finally found something to cut me loose.
Now that I've moved past that time in my life, if I find myself in a rut or if I need to jump start my reading again, I usually turn to Twilight. Honestly, it's not about the book, but rather the journey it takes with you. I have found myself reading Harry Potter again, as well, but mostly that's when my kids leave theirs lying around and I don't have anything else to do. For me, Twilight helped to kick start my heart and it serves the same purpose for my mind.
Is there a special relationship you have with a novel? Do you have any tricks you use to get your mojo back? Drop a line and give me some pointers!
2018 has been one hell of a year - and not necessarily in a good way. Personally, I've had much better years, and honestly I'd hoped that this year would have been one of them, but alas, that isn't the case. Most of the year has been pretty disappointing, but I must give credit to the parts of it that has been a silver lining to a very dark gray cloud.
First, I'm back to writing and publishing again. That is a MAJOR big deal since it was literally YEARS since I'd done anything with either. I'd start writing, decide I hated it, then I'd put everything on the back burner and completely shut down. It's been a major bummer because it's something I've loved for so long, and I just wasn't in the head space to accomplish it at all. It was depressing. So, I made it a point to force myself to put forth the effort to publish the work I had that was nearly completed and I'm thankful that I did because I have begun to feel that spark again and it's amazing!
Secondly, I've gotten some good news on a personal level that has been long time coming. My normal day-to-day job has offered me a new position, which I gladly accepted, and I am pretty excited about it! I'll be moving into my new office and starting on the new position this week and it's definitely cause for celebration!! (I do accept flowers, wine, and chocolate so let me know if you wanna send me any goodies ;) )
Third, the year is almost over! But seriously, I consider this a good thing because we've made it through another year that has been rough for many. I take that as a win, don't you? Things could definitely be worse, but they could also be much better. So...there's that.
Ultimately, I'm looking forward to a new year with new goals. I'm looking forward to a better me, inside and out, as well as better things to come. I have to put my energy and faith into the positive thoughts otherwise, I'll repeat much of the same and that's just not an option for me. I need all the good vibes I can get, so if it strikes you, send some my way!
Til next time
I'm a writer, a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. My journey as a published author is in full swing and I'm inviting all my friends along for the ride!