The hold is so tight I can barely breathe,
My chest is heavy and my knees are weak.
The thought train is racing at warp speed,
It can't stop, won't stop, or leave me be.
Hot or cold, I can't tell which one I am,
Shivers down my spine though my palms are sweaty.
My tiny voice unheard in the chaos,
All I want is five minutes of piece and quiet.
It's amazing how loud your own mind is,
Seems even louder when the rest of the world is quiet.
Anything, and I mean anything, to drown it out.
But as soon as I'm alone it's like I'm drowning.
The smile on my face is a courtesy,
No one wants to see what I really see.
Imagine your most horrible self in your reflection,
Now imagine that's how you see yourself daily.
It doesn't make sense aloud or in my head,
What's worse is when you know it can't stop.
Why can't I shut it off or turn it down or drown it out?
I just want to be alone inside my head.
I don't hear voices I just hear one,
I hear myself screaming about the shitty person I've become.
It tells me I've lied and cried and deserved pain,
It tells me I'm worthless and useless and should be ashamed.
But when it's done yelling it apologizes,
Kind of like the one who made me this way.
Shhh it'll be okay, I didn't mean it, I love you,
But waiting until the next time to really fuck you.
I mean, this isn't normal, but I know,
And I can't talk about it so I don't.
No one cares and if they do, they don't really,
Because as hard as it is for you, it's harder for me.
So just breathe and let it go,
Or try to and then hope for the best.
Because one day I'll wake up and won't feel this way,
Or at least that's what I'm supposed to say.
Okay so this post is pretty much a rant, and I apologize in advance. I will also say that I am not writing this from simply a writer's perspective, but that of a reader's as well. So here goes....SYNOPSES/BLURBS
Bruh. When shit needs to happen, it happens for real! I mean, I went from being basically bedridden to running around from the time I wake up until the time I go to bed. Sleep? Sleep is fleeting, but the five or so hours I get has to keep me fueled. Ugh...life.
So at the end of the day, I'm not much closer to having my next book finished and I'm super sorry and annoyed by it. Every time I sit down to write, I fall asleep. I mean, I have a seven month old, guys. He is just now starting to really sleep through the night and when my husband isn't waking me up for snoring, I'm in a constant state of semi-awakeness that leaves me feeling drained and in a foggy state of mind. Truly, I need a recharge button.
My oldest child is beginning his football season, which throws another crazy thing into the mix. I will have to go from work to the ball field for two hours and back home again to put all the kids to bed. Mind you, that occurs three days a week and since I live in Satan's asshole (aka Tennessee), the humidity often brings the heat index over 100 in July and August so I'm going to be a SUPER happy person! Honestly, I might bitch about it, but I'd do anything for my kids, including losing sleep and precious moments in air conditioning so long as it means they get to do something they love.
I'm going to set a goal, though. I am going to release two novellas before September. One is my shifter story and the other will be Blood Promise. I think if I take an hour a day, I can get it done. I think...maybe...don't hate me if it doesn't happen!
Anyway, I am off to finish my giant glass of wine and catch some much needed z's. Lord knows I need all the rest I can get because soon I will be sleeping on my feet! 'Til next time!!
There has been a lot of buzz among the indie publishing community about authors who are deciding to no longer publish because of how hard it is to break through. While I understand this sentiment, if that's the only reason why you're writing, then maybe you shouldn't publish anymore.
I don't write with the intention of selling millions of books, although that would be my dream and has been since I was a young girl. I write because I have stories to tell and characters who deserve voices and because I love it. It is my craft. It is my therapy. It is one of the only things I have to actually call my own in this world. Why should I let the opinion of others diminish that for me?
Look, I am by no means faulting these authors. This is a tough business. The people in this industry are brutal. If you are original, no one wants to take a chance. If you are too similar, you will be considered a hack. The majority of the successful authors fall somewhere in the middle and I'm not too sure how much of that is by chance rather than choice. Sometimes people do what they must to survive and likely, this is the case with many authors in the world now.
Would I love to be a best selling author and have movies or TV shows made about the characters and worlds I create? You bet your ass I would, but just because it's not happening, that doesn't mean I need to give up on something I love and has been such a huge part of my life. I may not have a gift. I may be a talentless fool. But at the end of the day, if I'm doing what I love, what does it matter?
The bottom line: if you truly are in love with what you do, you won't be able to stop because nothing will feel right if you do. If sales matter more to you than your craft, it might be time to take a break and reevaluate why you started in the first place. Never let anyone take away something you love.
Sorry I've been kind of ghosting everyone for the last week or so. There've been some big personal changes going on that has kept much of my attention. Not to mention that I now think I'm getting sick, due to the fact that my whole body feels like it's underwater and I've got some pretty bad headaches (not yet turned migraines) going on - blegh.
I thought about doing a short story recently, but I'm honestly not sure to start. I don't even know if people read short stories?? I'm thinking I may do some on my Wattpad since I haven't used it in AGES. Do people still read on there? I'M SO OUT OF TOUCH!!
Anyway, I plan to try to use Facebook Live a bit more often (once I am no longer sick). I guess we'll see if anyone watches!!
'Till next time!
I'm a writer, a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. My journey as a published author is in full swing and I'm inviting all my friends along for the ride!