As I finish one project, I find myself longing to write more and more until I just can't write any longer. Then I remember that I have a full time job, a part time job, two kids, a husband and a dog and that pretty much stops me short. I envy those who can literally devote everything to writing. I wish my husband made enough money so I could stay home to pursue my dream, but he doesn't. I wish that my part time business was full time and I didn't have a regular job so I could make my own hours, but as my grandmother used to say...want in one hand and shit in the other!
It seems cynical, when really it's just me being realistic. I was not born or married into privilege, so I have to work hard for everything we have. Not to say I don't enjoy being able to have a thriving household, but I'd rather it be doing something I love instead of something I like. I guess the bright side is that I don't actually hate my 8-5 gig.
At the end of the day, all I can do is make the best of my days and times. It can be difficult, but it seems I live to hustle and even when I'm not working - I'm working. My brain is always ten steps ahead no matter what I'm doing, which tends to include sleeping. The only thing left to do is keep pushing forward and hope for better things to come.
There are memes like this all across the internet about how strange writers are, finding yourself written into and later killed in a writer's story, characters talking in the writer's mind, etc. The sad part is that it's all true! Even when I don't write daily, my mind is still running a mile a minute, thinking about plot ideas, story arcs, progression, dialog, settings, playlists and just about everything else that I'm NOT supposed to think about! The struggle is very real.
Which brings me to why I still haven't finished my current project. I've been preoccupied, mostly because I have a very busy daily life. I'm a wife and mother, as well as having a full-time job and part time business on the side. I need more of me! Ultimately, I just have to put everything else aside, turn off the TV, crank up Pandora and let it flow. Trust me, it's harder than it seems.
So, I'll leave you all with this: my goal to finish Falling Undercover is 4/19. I don't know when it will be published, mainly because it may be optioned by my publisher, but the manuscript shall be done! I'm marking it on my calendar now and leaving you to actually do some work.
Alright...I'm going now...I promise...
I'm a writer, a mother, a wife, a friend, a sister, and a daughter. My journey as a published author is in full swing and I'm inviting all my friends along for the ride!